Blessed are they who walk forth knowing they are of her and their father's blood flows through them, for they may see they are of nothing and everything at all.

Sophia - Gnostic Poem of Self

in her name
in her vein
self flows
like its meant to

i neednt say
she is the rain
that falls
upon my window

i think of her
as i fall asleep
and as i come to wake

she is self
less parts of me
i am giving
what she takes

no more
no less
of me
or her
is left to be
confused

when mind
and body
meld as one
it is two
fused

finding her name
feeling self
coarse through
your veins

she is a smile
a gust of wind
a sunny summer day

she is the
perfect silence
when i've nothing to say

Theism and Atheism

I've been discussing on several religion forums the religious implications of atheism. Whether atheism would be considered a religion or not.

The best point I have heard to date is that atheism is no more a religion than theism is. That's fair I think.

I find my purpose from within, in the way many atheist religions do, but I am a theist. I believe in the supernatural, an outside force, gods, goddesses, ghosts, spirits.

For a long time I was one of those people who would claim to be spiritual, but not religious. I guess the proper response should be, "I am a theist, but not religious."

Either way, neither is true anymore. I am very religious. Very much a theist. My religion however does not define my purpose. No, my purpose, perhaps, defines my religion.

My purpose is the pursuit of truth, knowledge. I am a gnostic.

Don't wanna be anything....

....other than me. It's been a crazy hectic spring. I've been waiting for a night like this for a while.

It's like a trial.

It's one of those nights, emotionally spent and sore. Alone in my apartment, I think of all I miss. If I don't reign myself in, it becomes what could have been. These are the times that call on my faith.

Above all else, I believe there's no such thing as should have been. I believe all is as it should be at any given moment in time.

I believe in truth, but not as a constant through time. It changes for each person, it changes with each new thing we learn.

I recently recovered from two and a half weeks of the flu. Two trips to the hospital and one to my doctor. 10 prescriptions. vomiting blood. Adverse reactions to Reglan. Tremors. Neck, shoulders, jaw, and throat muscle spasms. IV. Benadryl. No income. No energy.

My truth right now is....life is a bit rough. Yet it feels right. When I listen inside and out, I feel life is right. I don't know where this path will lead, but I know where it goes will be right. In the trials I find my faith.

Faith that all is not for naught. That there is a purpose to our lives. Purpose that comes from the act of existing and not from a super natural force.

To be or not to be....

I search for truth. I believe in truth. It is the foundation of my religion, my belief system, and my moral code.

How can truth be the foundation of a belief system? Where is the leap of faith? The leap of faith comes from believing that truth exists, that it is out there, and that it is knowable.

If we think of the stories of gods and such as metaphor and allegory, we can take the idea of the Holy Spirit as the metaphor for truth. Or if you believe in the Greek Pantheon it might be represented by Gaia, or the earth mother.

Almost all religions believe that the holy spirit, or a holy spirit, exists in all natural things. That includes us. God, or the holy spirit, or a goddess, or life force energy, etc. is in all of us. Therefore we must be capable of knowing truth from within.

Even for atheists out there, we can say that we come from the earth and return to the earth, so there is no reason we can't know the truths of the universe. If we are of the same material as the universe, we must be capable of comprehending universal truth. Physical laws, and such.

From truth, I get god. From truth, I get faith. And from truth I get strength, purpose, and drive.

I may not know it, I may never know it....but I can strive to discover it. I can strive to come as close to it as possible.

Why gnostic? Why gnow?

It's not new to me. I didn't just discover gnosticism. It came upon me slowly.

I was born into an a-religious family. My mother was baptized in the baptist church, my father in the methodist. Neither of them thought religion was an important part of raising children. Instead, my sister and I were allowed to explore the world and our understanding of it with our own senses.

I had a good childhood friend whose father was an episcopalian priest. We went to church the Easter before my sister was born, some christian church. Friends took me to various protestant gatherings: retreats, bonfires, youth groups, mass, etc. A good friend of mine introduced me to the "soup kitchen" at the methodist church.

The influence that stuck with me, though, was not christian. My grandfather was Greek Orthodox. I didn't know this, until I was much older. As far as I was concerned, he was not religious. Now I would call it pagan.

The thing about rural greek american families, is they had no orthodox church at which to worship. My grandfather was no different. He and his 8 or 9 siblings went every sunday to a russian orthodox church. As they grew old enough to realize no one was making them go, one by one, they stopped.

I was raised on my grandfather's stories of the Olympian gods. My pagan pantheon included gods, goddesses, heroes, heroines, and nymphs.

The Olympian tradition has been passed down for generations. It does not conflict with the orthodox faith directly. The two beliefs can co-exist. The olympian tradition would end, the gods would leave olympus, and a new age would start.

I went on to study religion and philosophy in college. Fascinated not by the differences in the world's religions, but by the similarities. The characters differ, but the stories (stripped down) are so very much the same.

I was thoroughly opposed to organized religion, for a long time. At least for myself. I didn't want someone, anyone, telling me what or how to believe or worship. I didn't understand going inside a building to pray, when god was so clearly everywhere.

I still think organized religion, all too often, causes more damage than good. One should come to their faith on their own terms, in their own way.

I am almost 30 now. I have been broken and put together so many times. I have lived a thousand lifetimes, and died a thousand tiny deaths. So, why now?

Now, is a new beginning for me. I lay here open wide to the world. Exposed and vulnerable, as I have never been before. In love. Now, is the time for all things to end and begin again.

I am a gnostic, I am a mystic, I am a spirit, I am here to share myself. Now and for the rest of my life.

What it is to me?

For years I have labeled myself, agnostic. Not because it was a wholy accurate description, but because it was close enough.

Even my dog tags list my religion as agnostic.

The more I searched, the more I realized I was not agnostic. I was, in fact, gnostic without even knowing.

Being gnostic is not easy in a judeo-christian world. Then again, being a lesbian in a heterosexual world, is not easy either. I wouldn't change one, why change the other.

I have always felt called to religion. Religious study, investigation, and exploration.

So, what is gnosticism to me? What makes it different from any other religion I have learned about?

It is a religious sect under which one can unite all the great spiritual and religious paths without having to choose. It is the path of knowledge. What is more powerful than knowledge?